I Love Myself!!!

I'm a firm believer in feeling good about yourself no matter your weight. 

One thing I rarely lacked was self-confidence.

When I'm not feeling good about myself, I really, REALLY come down hard...

I have always had a very hard time spending money on myself, and up until recently I didn't realize how my ill-fitting, dumpy clothes and generally not-cared-about looks were affecting how I felt not just about myself, but about everything! Those who know me know I'm not a "girly" girl at all, so I have to make an effort at some things, but they are worth it! The past week or 2, I went shopping for some new clothes, have been doing my nails, makeup (let's not get crazy, we're talking eye liner, that's about it!), made a hair appt, and try to feel good about myself each and every day.  I'm not doing these things to make myself look attractive to others, they really make my feel good about myself!   

Feeling good makes me feel like I can change whatever I want to! 

I'm moving up my official start day! It's tomorrow!!!

 I'm so overly ready mentally, going to make up some menus and go shopping later. 

I'm excited and energized, and it's just the beginning!

Change of Priorities

Over the past 2 weeks, I've had a personal revelation of sorts- my priorities are being happy and healthy.  Not being skinny, not running a marathon, not eating certain things.  I want to be happy and healthy.

I'm not going to weight myself weekly anymore.  It's not a "goal" for me.  I've always been an extremely confident person, and strangely enough, when I focused on weight loss and did lose a whole bunch, I lost my confidence!  I remember being so confused, but I couldn't find my confidence.

I was also broken when I realized how much weight I put back on since then.  That also made me miserable.  I can't focus on that, though, or it will ruin me.

So, here's the new plan.  My goal is to be happy while being healthy, and hopefully losing weight will be a positive side effect.

Instead of trying to squeeze into my "skinny" clothes, I went out and bought clothing that fits.  I didn't buy an entire wardrobe, but enough bottoms and tops to get me through my days.

I got a full body massage.  It was glorious, as am I, both inside and out.

I got a mani/pedi, a new haircut and color.  Seems normal, but I never spend money on myself, especially not in the "pampering" department.  I am so happy that I did, I feel unstoppable!

I am trying my best to eat healthy, but if I really want something, I have it and don't regret it.  I'm not eating donuts and fast food all day, don't worry, but my fried calamari at dinner last night was AMAZING!!!  Like, the best I've ever had.  No regrets.

I am still going to the gym.  It makes me feel good, and I love when I surprise myself and am stronger than I give myself credit for. 

My self confidence is the highest it's been in a very, very long time!

So, here's my advice:  Make yourself happy and be healthy.  Live life, but don't go overboard!

I survived!

The play was yesterday, and it went very, very well!  And I looked awesome!  I didn't take any pics, but I will be back in the dress in a few weeks, and I promise to post some pics, because I really did look fantastic!  I sound so full of myself, but I'm really just proud!  And, my feet and knee survived in those shoes, so I was very happy!


Today it finally warmed up around here.  After I got home, I went to change into shorts.  I realized that the shorts which were too tight on me last summer are now way too big on me!  Hooray!  I'll start shopping for the summer shortly!


I will be weighing in tomorrow in the late afternoon (finally).  I am so excited to be able to now get back on track with exercising since my schedule is so much more open.  Here's to kicking off my weight loss once again!

Finally, (some) Shopping Success!

Saturday, I decided to give shopping another go.  Chris and I headed back to the mall.  The day started off with just as much frustration as the other week.  We almost gave up.


Then, I decided to head to the dress department.  I have all of my concerts plus a wedding coming up, and all of my dresses are too big.  A lot of the dresses were prom-styles or more mother-of-the-bride, and I was getting frustrated once again.


Then we found this beautiful dress!  I'm wearing it on Wednesday, so I'll be sure to take pictures.  It's so pretty, and just perfect for everything that's coming up!


I also found a pair of heels that don't hurt my feet!  My feet have gotten a bit smaller as well.  I was an 11, now I'm either a 10 or 9.5.  Since I tore my ACL, I can't do heels at all.  They cause my knee to swell and hurt, and it sucks.  These fit so well, and they are so comfortable!  YAY!!!!!

I'm so excited to wear the whole outfit!  It's going to look so good!

You're going to think I'm insane...

...but I hate shopping!


I've accumulated a decent amount of gift cards to a department store.  I finally was in the mall area, so I decided to finally use them and get some clothing that actually fits.  I swear, I walked around every women's clothing department at least 5 times and didn't see anything I even wanted to try on!  NOTHING!!!  Everything was either meant for 13-17 year olds or way too old and farty looking.  I can't deal.


I'm hoping that I was just not in shopping mode because I've been running around like crazy.  I'm going to give it another go over spring break when my play is over and I'm more relaxed.  I think I'll drag Chris with me, too.  He's a great shopping partner!


On another note, the next few days are going to be a challenge for me.  I'm going to be in Baltimore at a conference, and I'm a little nervous about being able to find food that fits my plan.  I know I can do it, and I'll probably feel less anxious about it once it's here.  I'll let you know how it goes!

Wait...I'm a size what??

Since I can remember, shopping for clothes involved grabbing either XL or XXL tops and always both a size 16 and 18 of any bottoms (depending on how much room they allow for my substantial rear-end).  I've been trying NOT to go shopping, because I don't want to spend money on clothes that will hopefully be too big on my in the near future.  I've bought a top here and there, but that's it.


Chris convinced me to go shopping since I've been so miserable with the majority of my clothing being extremely ill-fitting (in a good way!).  So, off we go to the mall.  I don't even know what stores to shop in anymore!  I settle on NY&Co hoping to find some things that I can make work both for teaching and going out.  While grabbing things to try on, I had to force myself to just reach for the Large, not the XL.  Okay, got that done.


Now for some pants.  I grab a 16, and a 14 if by some miracle they would fit.  I found 2 really cute light sweaters that fit me awesomely.  And I walk out to show Chris the tops and the pants.  The pants were doing a weird thing in the crotch, but....


THE SIZE 14'S FIT ME PERFECTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!


No sucking it in to make them close, no muffin top going on.  I'm a size 14.  For reals.  I didn't buy any pants, but it's so cool that they fit.  


I'm a happy girl, even though it's snowing again!

Cleaning out the Closet

This past weekend, Chris and I had a mountain of clean laundry to put away.  Before we did so, we decided to clean out our dressers and closet.

What a great feeling!  I decided to finally get rid of anything that doesn't fit me well anymore because I refuse to need to fit into larger clothes after this point.  I also got rid of clothes that I'm just not going to wear.  All will be donated or given away.

It also enabled me to find my hidden stash of clothes that used to be too small on me, but now fit me!  Woohoo!!!  Now I can put off shopping for newer clothes for a little while longer since I have something that fits!

I suggest you do the same thing.  You know that shirt that's been hanging in your closet for 3 years but you haven't worn once?  GET RID OF IT!!!  Those pants that are 2 sizes too big and no belt can make them look like they fit?  GET RID OF THEM!!!  Even if you end up with less clothes than you would like, you know you're only keeping the things that you actually wear, not keeping things that just take up space.