Weigh-In: Week 13

This week's post isn't about my weight weigh-in.  

I lost a pound and I'm happy about it.  222lbs, down 19 so far.

It's about my life and recent events.  Most of you know me and have for a long time.  Some of you may have never met me, but I'm the kind of person who's always 100% truthful and puts everything out there.  I don't pretend like everything's always great, I try to honestly share my highs and lows, successes and failures, so I'm sharing this news in hopes it can help someone else.

I have never wanted children.  It's just something I've always known about myself.  I love kids, I've dedicated my career to educating children and instilling a love of music within them, I just don't want any of my own.  Chris (my husband) was on the same page.  Recently, he started having other thoughts.  He finally decided that his life isn't complete without children.  

I can't do that for him, so Chris and I are getting divorced.

We are both distraught.  We both deeply love one another.  We've been together for the better part of 13 years, married for almost 8.  We've both fought to stay together at various points while we were dating.  We both wish the other would somehow change their minds, but both of us feel so strongly about our choices.  This is something you can't compromise on, nor would it be fair.  I can't bring a child into this world just for him, and he can't not have a family just for me.

Love isn't always enough, and I'm learning that now.

I thought love could fix everything.  Call it the Disney effect.  Just kiss me and everything will be fine and we'll live happily ever after.  Life doesn't work that way.  Love also means respect.  We're not mad at one another, we're just so horribly sad.  It's okay for me to not want children.  It's okay for him to want children.  It's not okay for either of us to hold it against one another, so that's why we're doing what we're doing.

I've been consumed by this deep sadness for a week and a half now, but I'm not letting it take me over.  I finally had the energy yesterday to workout.  I am proud that I didn't go back to bad habits of eating crappy food and drinking.  I haven't touched a sip of alcohol, and ate healthy-ish, just didn't measure like I usually do.

My lesson for you:  No matter what's happening, you'll be okay.  You can beat it.  You have to accept it, and then fight.  Don't let the sadness win.  This is your life, so take control and hold on!

I am forever thankful for my amazing friends.  Without you all, I might have let that sadness continue to take over my life.  I know I'll be okay, it's getting easier every day, but it still hurts so much.  The hardest thing for me has been figuring out how to tell people, that's one of the reasons I'm writing this.  And yes, Chris knows I'm writing it, I would never put something like this out there without asking him first.

I am continuing my journey, and very glad I started it when I did.  I'm already in the habit of working on myself, and I'm ready to tackle everything head on.  I'm going to keep on working on my food, exercise, and mental health.  

I'm working on me.

It's going to be an amazing summer.  Just watch me fly...